Trouble finding arousal. Unable to have an orgasm on my own. Shame around neglecting my vagina. Not sure how to handle how my vulva worked differently from most other women’s. Not comfortable talking with anyone about my sexual issues. Needing strong physical support to handle the physical exertion I required to become aroused.
These are the issues I had when I showed up at my first Back to the Body retreat. After a Skype interview, I had selected Ron as my CSB based on his familiarity with women who had a vaginoplasty, and his clearly open-minded and accepting view of a variety of sexual expressions. I definitely made a good choice!
My first session started with a playful piggy back ride to the table! This set the tone for a surprisingly easy, open discussion about what I knew about my sexual functioning and what I wanted to learn. The combination of Ron’s gentle, caring demeanor and his sensitive, flowing touch allowed me to be completely relaxed and open about my sexual feelings and fears in a way I had never been before. By the second session I felt comfortable asking for whatever I felt like on the table. Even when I wanted something outside the bounds of the session, I felt comfortable naming it and trusting Ron to honor the boundaries in a gentle, non-shaming way.
Ron is strong and agile, and I didn’t worry that my exuberant physicality would be too much for him. And, at my request, Ron explained some other ways to experience arousal and we explored those. He was enthusiastic about supporting the idea of me channeling my cat, who is really good at asking for what she wants and receiving, as a way of opening me to softer arousal.
When we did internal work on parts of my body mixed with scar tissue and shame, Ron did a great job of holding a safe enough space for me to experience both the emotions and the sensations while calmly letting me know what he felt in his fingers. It created a powerful feeling of acceptance for me that has done much to reduce the “charge” of working with my vagina and making it more available for me to work with it on my own as well.
If I had to sum it up, I would say that Ron has the range to meet me in the extreme of my playfulness and exuberance, as well as the sensitivity to help me work through shame and fear.
Oh and now, I can find arousal, can have orgasms on my own, and can talk about my sexual desires and patterns with much less shame. Working with Ron was a big part of that.