I thought I’d just check in and share some feedback while things are still fresh in my mind as I reflect on the past few days and glance back at my journaling. I learned so much during this time that it was almost overwhelming to think that all that happened in 3 days. I wanted to share with you some of the significant things I learned so that you have a sense of the amount of change that you have taught and inspired in me…
– I learned to be aware of what my body is telling me and to take the time to tune in and listen. It’s caused me to really take notice of feelings and adjust when necessary.
– I learned that it’s ok to take control and give direction and ask for what I need.
– I learned to breathe!
– I learned that it’s ok to set boundaries and that I don’t owe anyone anything.
– I learned how to get to the other side of a panic attack and stay in one piece when I’m triggered.
– I learned that the fear of a panic attack and the overwhelming emotions is what prevented me from going through it.
– I learned how to stay emotionally, physically & mentally present during intimacy, and that was my greatest achievement this week.
– I started to learn how to add voice to breath and movement.
– I learned that it’s ok to follow the pleasure in my body rather than chasing the pain, and that it works better in the long run.
– I learned that self-touch is important and that i have some work to do to get comfortable with that because I am a long way off right now.
– I learned that there is so much more yet to explore and be curious about.
All of these are a work in progress, of course, but I went away feeling a significant change knowing that I can’t go back to what I came from.
I also felt a strong sense of what I need for myself and that it’s ok to have needs. Currently (because they may change in the future), I have learned that I need:
– safety, support & stability
– to start slow and take time to work through the things that pop up before continuing on
– steady, supportive physical pressure on my body to help me feel grounded when I’m anxious
– to take time to come down from a heightened state so that my nervous system doesn’t stay in an overloaded state
– to allow parts of my nervous system to wake up after being dormant for so long
– to voice my feelings
– to keep breathing and listening to my body
I’m sure there’s more but that’s what comes to mind right now, and it’s a pretty big list! I cannot thank you enough for working with me and allowing me to work through some pretty big issues. You have been so incredibly patient, supportive, encouraging, instructive, safe, and also a real pleasure to get to know. I would not have even known where to start without you.
For me to feel safe enough to not only work through the overwhelming panic/fear/arousal triggers, but to also feel supported and comfortable enough to have an orgasm on the table (my first fully present one at that), was a very surprising achievement and I’m still a little bit in shock.
Overall, you made the whole experience really comfortable (except when I had to move you around the room, lol), so again, thank you!
I feel very positive about where we left things, and I now begin the delicate task of integrating this all into my everyday life, but I’m off to a good start. 😉
I definitely left though with a much more curious spirit and I would love to have the opportunity to maybe explore some of those things before I move away, if you’re up for it…
1) how the (pelvic) floor will react if we’re accessing different parts of it and what affect that might have one the nerve – whether it’s more or less sensitive.
2) I have a strong feeling that there will be some triggers there now that these new memories have surfaced from my 3 year old self, and I’d like to be able to work through them in a safe place. I have had a lot of trauma in that part of my body from a very young age and I find it really difficult to talk about, and even more so since realizing that it wasn’t just the medical trauma at age 4 but that the rape that occurred at age 3 was done this way. (I cringe even typing it because it’s so awkward and I really feel like it’s the most demeaning torture you could put someone through, especially for a child). However, lately I am all about facing my fears and walking through them and I feel like the timing of this memory and the work that we started is not a coincidence.
3) In spite of my past and my awkwardness to talk about it, there’s also a general sense of curiosity around it. The touch we did definitely sparked some feelings of arousal and curiosity and I’d like to follow the path and see where it leads… if you’re open to it.
My Dearest Ron, for over a year I have been hearing an angel whisper in my ear, “Dance, Anne. Dance.” I had shut down my dance department, for the purpose of shameful hiding. You can’t dance and hide at the same time. I knew that these whispers were a beckoning to heal, flourish and be a divine and joyful expression of life, to honor myself and celebrate. To do it well is to be shame-free, and to enjoy being seen.
Ron, thank you for gently and lovingly inspiring and encouraging me to dance, in our morning sessions, on your magic work bench, and from within. In your presence I felt so safe, honored, nurtured, loved, beautiful and worthy. The space that you prepared and held for me was completely nourishing, intimate, encouraging and so very sexy. My spirit and my body began a subtle sway and undulation that gives me hope, joy and a sexy feeling. Though I am not there yet, I feel my petals opening one by one, and hope is growing that I will soon be a vibrant, colorful, fully blossomed expression of exuberance, and that I will truly love and appreciate my body so much that I will not be able to contain the dancing.
Your touch was comforting and exhilarating, and though you encouraged the speaking of my desire, I know that your intuition is keen and accurate, your moves and your touch so skilled, erotic and innocent, whatever my body called for in the moment. … You moved me around your table with ease and grace; I felt light and beautiful. The response that your spirit and body work invoked in me surprised and delighted me. The experience was deeply spiritual for me, Ron. I am now more keenly aware of the power behind speaking my desires both sexually and in my life. And presenting myself with opportunity for erotic pleasure is a powerful practice in that this energy can be transmuted into the manifestation of my dreams. Making space for the indulgence of my pleasure is about not just sexual kicks, but the expression of my divinity and self worth as a woman.
Not only was the gift of sensual arousal and release delivered, and the ensuing healing and flourishing, but so lavishly by a lovely man who is the embodiment of the divine dance, and who expresses so beautifully through his passionate creativity and eagerness to invoke the potent healing powers of pleasure and speaking desire. I have been given such a lovely, powerful and unforgettable gift. I am grateful. And I thank you.
As for a testimonial: words cannot express my experiences with you and the pleasure I experienced as well as the attuning to my body but here goes….
I have worked with Ron during three separate retreat settings over the past several years. Words cannot express my gratitude for the experiences that I had with him. As a woman over 60 years old with an extensive history of childhood sexual abuse and trauma, I was initially skeptical and fearful.
As we spent time together before, during and after the sessions, I found Ron to be ethical, respectful, intelligent, sensitive, and attuned to my body, mind, and spirit. He is a person of integrity and wisdom that touched me deeply. He held sacred safe space that enabled me to move beyond my limitations and expand into an embodied state of pleasure and ecstasy. I was able to be present in my body, to feel things that I had never felt before, while I relaxed and soared into the heavens. Laughter, tears, insight and awareness flowed as I released grief, shame, fear and guilt around my sexuality. As I learned to listen to my body and tune into the subtle emotions and sensations, I felt a sense of wholeness, peace, and well-being. I came to claim myself with a new mantra: MY POWER, MY PLEASURE, MY PUSSY.
Ron facilitated trans formative experiences that were integrative, life enhancing, and memorable. I highly recommend him as a person, a practitioner, a coach, and an experimental safe guide to the erotic realms. He provides a setting of exploratory safety that is supportive and balanced our sessions in an encouraging, pleasurable manner. Arousal, desire, erotic self-knowledge, sexual awakening and opening to a bigger YES were the result of our interactions. I am eternally grateful and “changed for the better”.
Trouble finding arousal. Unable to have an orgasm on my own. Shame around neglecting my vagina. Not sure how to handle how my vulva worked differently from most other women’s. Not comfortable talking with anyone about my sexual issues. Needing strong physical support to handle the physical exertion I required to become aroused.
These are the issues I had when I showed up at my first Back to the Body retreat. After a Skype interview, I had selected Ron as my CSB based on his familiarity with women who had a vaginoplasty, and his clearly open-minded and accepting view of a variety of sexual expressions. I definitely made a good choice!
My first session started with a playful piggy back ride to the table! This set the tone for a surprisingly easy, open discussion about what I knew about my sexual functioning and what I wanted to learn. The combination of Ron’s gentle, caring demeanor and his sensitive, flowing touch allowed me to be completely relaxed and open about my sexual feelings and fears in a way I had never been before. By the second session I felt comfortable asking for whatever I felt like on the table. Even when I wanted something outside the bounds of the session, I felt comfortable naming it and trusting Ron to honor the boundaries in a gentle, non-shaming way.
Ron is strong and agile, and I didn’t worry that my exuberant physicality would be too much for him. And, at my request, Ron explained some other ways to experience arousal and we explored those. He was enthusiastic about supporting the idea of me channeling my cat, who is really good at asking for what she wants and receiving, as a way of opening me to softer arousal.
When we did internal work on parts of my body mixed with scar tissue and shame, Ron did a great job of holding a safe enough space for me to experience both the emotions and the sensations while calmly letting me know what he felt in his fingers. It created a powerful feeling of acceptance for me that has done much to reduce the “charge” of working with my vagina and making it more available for me to work with it on my own as well.
If I had to sum it up, I would say that Ron has the range to meet me in the extreme of my playfulness and exuberance, as well as the sensitivity to help me work through shame and fear.
Oh and now, I can find arousal, can have orgasms on my own, and can talk about my sexual desires and patterns with much less shame. Working with Ron was a big part of that.
I met Ron at a time in my life when I was going through much emotional upheaval and when I believed that I was broken. There was something missing from my sexual life, but I had no idea how to “fix” me. Ron and I first met at a three day mini-retreat in New York. I had never experienced touch that was so reverent, respectful and focused on me. I left that experience changed, and feeling more whole than I ever have in my life. I then went on to work with Ron over three retreats. After working with Ron I learned several things:
1. I’m not broken and in fact my body is extremely responsive to erotic touch
2. I learned that I’m sexy and powerful in my own skin
3. I learned that taking time for me is not selfish as it increases my capacity for love – both of myself and of others
4. I learned that I am beautiful
and sooo much more!
Ron’s unique ability to connect and support helped me to resolve the disconnect that I had with my body. I am so grateful to Ron for these amazing erotic experiences that have truly transformed my life. My personal and sensual experiences are deeper and richer since working with Ron, and I realize the capacity my body has for pleasure. With Ron’s help my heart was opened so wide to others and all of my experiences have been beautiful!
Thank you Ron – the healing power of touch is amazing!
Ron is a magical practitioner. His background in dance and somatic experiencing bring his sexological bodywork to another level. Ron was able to hold a safe, sacred space that brought out the depths of my creativity, vulnerability, eroticism and spirituality. My work with Ron opened me to new parts of myself. I felt Seen. Held. Met.